randos.

i love yogurt....but i can't eat it fast or i want to puke.

i wish someone would pay me for my opinions, that would be so awesome.

i love tuesday nights, i get to play indoor soccer...it makes me feel like everything is right in the world.

look what my boss got me for admin appreciation day. BIG SMILES.

interesting turns.

since november my life has taken many interesting turns. i guess i could say since july since that is when i moved, but from july to november where planned changes, crazy times and foreseen bumps in the road.

so as life has unravelled many 'things' as of late i have done my best to keep a brave face. i am an incredibly private person. if something truly has impacted me to my core you will almost always find me quiet as i move about my normal business.

over the past five months i have been stretched, stressed, impacted, torn down, built up, etc in ways i never thought possible. i have no details of my life to share since there are always things in your life you just should not make public. there have been a few more times lately where i get a little fed up with being strong, put together, having most of the answers and staying hopeful.

there are times where i do wish i had the personality to let go, be dramatic and/or go MIA for a bit. but i dont. i have a God given gift to constantly be pushing forward, pushing for better and to never settle. yes this can be a bit of damper if you are trying to live in the moment....however in times like these it is a life saver.

as of the past two days i have had the oddest feeling...so so many of my close, wonderful friends and bf have been going to through trying items in life. they are of significance but ones you know they will get through since they are the strongest people you know (i.e. break ups, losing jobs, getting a doctorate, etc)...since this has happened i have poured quite some time in to being there for them and being available and trying to be present for them. i am incredibly grateful for these people to let me into their lives. even if what you deal with can seem impossible, God tends to sent that reminder that you are not the only one going through things. we are truly never alone.

mundane.

Silly title...I know. There is nothing mundane about my life....because I am alive.

I went home for Easter and my dad was remodeling one of the bathrooms and the basement had flooded, along with several other houses in the neighborhood. So all four of us kids shared one bathroom that is usually only my brother's (poor man) and without the basement there was no longer two more bedrooms and a guest room....SO LUCKY ME....I got to sleep on the couch and rise with my parents and dogs and go to bed with the teenagers well after midnight. So, despite being exhausted, I would say I got the most out of my three day weekend with my family. And it was Megan's birthday and so I got to see her wee little face, along with some great girls. <3

I am still tired.
And this week is the busiest work has been in two months.
BUT, I am going to California the first week in May...I am super excited about that one.

Also...I am obsessed with how beautiful my sisters are.

unusual.

life these past few months has been a bit surreal...so many changes, both internally and externally. i have found that it is my full time job to trust that God is going to take care of me and those i love EVERY day.

i actually fail at this every day. i think i am a little high strung and tend to stress very easily over things i cannot control. it is now time to let that all go. there is not enough room in a day to fret and think negatively.

i was a bit shocked the other day when i was talking to one of my close friends. we haven't caught up on the trials of our lives in a while and yet after a bit of conversing we found we were somewhat in the same position. both trying so hard to fix things, work towards things, idolizing things, trying to control everything, asking 'what else can i do? there has to be something more for me to do.'

this time when we talked God was present. Speaking through my friend, "Trust God. He can do anything and He needs to be priority and come first in life. He knows what's best for you and if you're obedient He will bless you." this meant so much more because i know my friend is still undecided about his belief in God. i went to bed last night feeling a little silly...woke up feeling great. my hearts still beating, i still have a purpose. gotta live each day, no matter what it may bring, until that purpose is revealed to me.

23.

oh hello. usually i am good at staying on top of this blog thing but lately my mind has been filled with so much i can't compell myself to write. so i will try today and it will probably end up being too long.

some things that have happened since last we spoke:

1. i turned 23 years old, my dad turned 46 five days before that...i think that is cool. yet his number sounds younger than mine, NOT FAIR. i got to be with my family on my birthday and i think that is probably the best gift i have had to date.

2. i went to spokane for a nice long weekend. it still seems so odd to me that the people i was a 'youngin' to and my friends of the grade i would have graduated in...don't live at whitworth any more. i am so happy for all they are doing but i truly truly miss them and am still trying to adapt to life without them steps away.

3. a girl went to heaven long before she should have. a darling girl i had the pleasure of knowing when i led youth group at shiloh hills fellowship. Robin was just 17 when she lost her battle with cancer, one she knew was coming but wouldn't let get in the way of her living each day to the fullest. i try to think of how this has made me feel, the people around me and those whom were closest to her but i haven't really come up with anything.

i don't pretend to know a lot or have all the answers but i do know God has given me a lot of wisdom for my age...but one thing i have not been able to grapple with is death. i feel like it always sets me back in my pursuit to find God in every day. that and divorce. i already have a blog post about my hatred of divorce so i wont elaborate.

but anyways. my life is still moving in a positive direction, even if that is slower than i like. life isn't about what is coming, what has come or what you will eventually accomplish. life is about recognizing each day as a gift and never giving up. if you have a pulse you have a purpose. never forget that.

PS long distance sucks but i get to see devin tonight and even though work is annoyingly stressful right now...i am simply giddy.

Lessons Learned in Vegas

this post....speaks for itself. come to whatever conclusion you like, i truly do not mind. and yes i will tell you the story behind them if you ask. :)

1. This is life….spray tans fade.

2. Never get too drunk you can't apply your fake eye-lashes.

3. Men can be great wingmen, especially when intoxicated.

4. Do not try and fool with bouncer with neck tats.

5. Tequila is never a good idea after 1:00 am…

6. Open the window…your room smells better.

7. Just because McDonald's falls on the floor, doesn't mean you can't eat it.

8. 100 oz of AMF is the same price as 100 oz of beer....choose wisely.

9. NEVER go that hard on the first night.

10. Just because they are over 50, doesn't mean your parents won't go harder than you. (sometimes its best not to compete)

11. Similar to Cinderella's carriage turning back into a pumpkin at midnight...that is also when free drinks end.

12. Bathrooms are dangerous.

13. Always eat dinner...but maybe not with a screaming ape.

14. If you dress up in a flashy color, you will win at craps.

15. There will inevitably be something in your room you cannot explain.

THANKS to the Swifts and the Heiders for a weekend I will never forget....

be still.

so...as i recently posted, i went to las vegas and i would love to post my 'lessons learned in vegas' list but there has been something a bit more pressing i wanted to write about.

lately it seems everywhere i turn, every one is hurting. A LOT. pain is pressing on our hearts. from personal issues to those that are causing huge political drama like Syria. i cannot help feel like our world is engulfed at the moment. i can't help but relate pain to quick sand. when you fall into quicksand the worst thing you can do is squirm around and flail and such...you will sink that much faster. but if you be still, you have more time for someone to come to your rescue.

this metaphor encourages me because i know that i am never alone. so many times when i fall in quicksand i want to squirm and fight back and push through, and i would be lying if i said this never worked...sometimes it does. but without fail, if i am still and know that God is God...i will be rescued. i will be pulled out and set on dry land.

our world tells us to keep pushing and fighting and we will get through but what God says is sometimes that won't work. sometimes we just won't know what to do anymore...so just be where you are. embrace what you are feeling and trust that you will be rescued. He did pull Jonah from the belly of a fish didn't He?

Jonah 2:1-9