unusual.

life these past few months has been a bit surreal...so many changes, both internally and externally. i have found that it is my full time job to trust that God is going to take care of me and those i love EVERY day.

i actually fail at this every day. i think i am a little high strung and tend to stress very easily over things i cannot control. it is now time to let that all go. there is not enough room in a day to fret and think negatively.

i was a bit shocked the other day when i was talking to one of my close friends. we haven't caught up on the trials of our lives in a while and yet after a bit of conversing we found we were somewhat in the same position. both trying so hard to fix things, work towards things, idolizing things, trying to control everything, asking 'what else can i do? there has to be something more for me to do.'

this time when we talked God was present. Speaking through my friend, "Trust God. He can do anything and He needs to be priority and come first in life. He knows what's best for you and if you're obedient He will bless you." this meant so much more because i know my friend is still undecided about his belief in God. i went to bed last night feeling a little silly...woke up feeling great. my hearts still beating, i still have a purpose. gotta live each day, no matter what it may bring, until that purpose is revealed to me.

23.

oh hello. usually i am good at staying on top of this blog thing but lately my mind has been filled with so much i can't compell myself to write. so i will try today and it will probably end up being too long.

some things that have happened since last we spoke:

1. i turned 23 years old, my dad turned 46 five days before that...i think that is cool. yet his number sounds younger than mine, NOT FAIR. i got to be with my family on my birthday and i think that is probably the best gift i have had to date.

2. i went to spokane for a nice long weekend. it still seems so odd to me that the people i was a 'youngin' to and my friends of the grade i would have graduated in...don't live at whitworth any more. i am so happy for all they are doing but i truly truly miss them and am still trying to adapt to life without them steps away.

3. a girl went to heaven long before she should have. a darling girl i had the pleasure of knowing when i led youth group at shiloh hills fellowship. Robin was just 17 when she lost her battle with cancer, one she knew was coming but wouldn't let get in the way of her living each day to the fullest. i try to think of how this has made me feel, the people around me and those whom were closest to her but i haven't really come up with anything.

i don't pretend to know a lot or have all the answers but i do know God has given me a lot of wisdom for my age...but one thing i have not been able to grapple with is death. i feel like it always sets me back in my pursuit to find God in every day. that and divorce. i already have a blog post about my hatred of divorce so i wont elaborate.

but anyways. my life is still moving in a positive direction, even if that is slower than i like. life isn't about what is coming, what has come or what you will eventually accomplish. life is about recognizing each day as a gift and never giving up. if you have a pulse you have a purpose. never forget that.

PS long distance sucks but i get to see devin tonight and even though work is annoyingly stressful right now...i am simply giddy.