HOME IN TWO DAYS.

don't ever lose hope in each new day. if you aren't careful the world will consume you. the shallow thoughts and materialistic views of those of this world will become yours. i realized this last night as i was driving home. it can happen to anyone...even me....losing yourself in the things that don't matter. a place that is a gift but not eternal.

i know it is oddly strange, but it makes me really excited to fight that. to fight back and be a real person, with depth, no judgement, too much love to handle, hope and honesty in all things. every day i get to get up and try again at being all i can be is another gift from God that too many people don't get. i know i won't always live it the way i should but that's ok too. i have a purpose driven life...loving God, loving people. let's see where it gets me. :)

definitely monday

ever have those days where you just don't have patience for people? where you wish you could just finish the day out as quickly as possible and hope to wake up on the happier side of the bed?

that is my life today. Thursday night i will be where i want to be right now....HOME. but there is as of now there is 38 hours of work, three gym sessions, minimal hours of sleep, baking cookies, trip to the apple store, seeing Makenzie and Kimberly and Lauren each night, paying bills and a seven hour train ride.

go team. ;)

i want to be asleep.

i wish i was sleeping right now. :/ JUST tired and too much to do before heading home a week from today. Seattle again this weekend. my thought process is tempting me to think forward and want to fast forward the next 6 months...

sometimes when we get bored we wander around overly-cluttered stores and entertain the idea that every item we see is completely necessary. this is Devin holding his most prized possession. yes...that is a mason jar attached to the bottom of goblet. I'm going to call it a masoblet.

this...is...good.

ITS THE WEEKEND.

i get to see probably the most amazing person EVER in t-minus four hours.

i get to hang out with my goddaughter (don't be fooled, she is a puppy and her name is Gimli).

go team!

real talk.

i am a point in my life where i am a bit emotionally disconnected, which at times is good and can make transitions easier, but at other times when a real emotion hits you its very difficult and hard to shake.

i am terrified of love. yet thrive on the fact that it exists. i see unconditional love every day. i am surrounded (figuratively speaking) by people i know would do anything to ensure my happiness. lately i keep beating myself with the fact that i do not deserve it. when i feel that way it often makes me retreat back to solitude. solitude, is a relatively new thing to me. up until last year i filled every waking moment with people, places and adventures. i am ok with the down time i have inserted into my busy schedule, but gosh i miss not being so critical of myself. do you think this happens when you become an adult? when you realize the amount of responsibility that falls on your shoulders?

i am beyond blessed with such an open mind and open eyes to see beauty in damn near everything i encounter, but why must i not see the same beauty in the imperfection of myself. i realize that is a very real and vulnerable thought. i don't want the vanity and shallowness of this world to ever consume me like i have watched it consume so many people i love. this may be selfish but it is devastatingly hard to see people you love with all your heart try and make themselves people they aren't. in addition it makes them mad, resentful and mean.

i had an eating disorder growing up. i am the oldest and have two sisters. they are beautiful, seriously, like really really good looking.

anyways, my shallow need to control and compete with the world at a younger age brought doubt and untrue thoughts to my sisters' heads. that is a hard thing to live with. yet so interesting. IF i would have just loved my imperfections they may have seen that that is how life is supposed to be. but i didn't. but now, we got to work through it all together.

i will always go back to when Joe spoke about one of the most important commandments... 'love your neighbor as yourself'...he posed this question. if you do not love yourself, can you adequately love your neighbor?

Santa Pub Crawl

oh wee. what a great weekend. was in portland and lived the portland dream. :) boutique cocktail party on friday and met new friends. shopping and college basketball on saturday with new friends and old ones from high school. then we did one of the most interesting things i have ever been a part of. apparently on the first weekend of december they do a santa pub crawl on the north east side of portland. (in case you are unaware 'portland' is comprised of quite a few different downtown locations) we were where what most people see as the hipster area. but they have these awesome authentic german bars and italian bars. just a fun, lively place.

so the aim of the pub crawl is you all dress up in santa claus items, Jared and Chris looked more like homeless 6'8" elves if anything. the crawl starts at noon and goes til midnight. we went at about 6:00 and met up with HUNDREDS, of santas...HUNDREDS. and had such a good time bar hoping. oddly enough, a couple bars in hundreds of people dressed in banana suits showed up. these were the 'banarchists'....apparently there is an ancient rivalry between bananas and santa claus (who would have known?). anyways they ran around yelling 'f*$k santas' and had bumper stickers all over their banana suits that read 'i will never have to tell my kids bananas aren't real.' this was all EXTREMELY entertaining. let alone when a 5'5" bar tender had to kick Jared 6'4" and Chris 6'8" out of the bar for play fighting with each other.

we soon got antsy and headed to downtown portland where you can find all the historic and flashy clubs/bars. of course we were the only ones dressed in christmas attire but man did people love us. everyone in their drunken states thought that we were the most clever, joyous, most wonderful people. we loved every moment of it and just continued our joyous evening and aimed to cross an item off our bucket lists. go to a strip club.

i am fully aware that many people would not do this. but us girls were just fascinated by the thought. so we went and it is now crossed off and i wouldn't have chosen anyone else to take that adventure with. :)

i had a GREAT weekend. i couldn't help but feel at home. leaving makenzie's on sunday and swinging by kimberly's on the way home just to have one of my roommates family make us all an amazing dinner. for a weekend that went by so fast, after such a long week, i definitely added a LARGE amount of new fond memories. december is going to be a WONDERFUL month.