HOME IN TWO DAYS.

don't ever lose hope in each new day. if you aren't careful the world will consume you. the shallow thoughts and materialistic views of those of this world will become yours. i realized this last night as i was driving home. it can happen to anyone...even me....losing yourself in the things that don't matter. a place that is a gift but not eternal.

i know it is oddly strange, but it makes me really excited to fight that. to fight back and be a real person, with depth, no judgement, too much love to handle, hope and honesty in all things. every day i get to get up and try again at being all i can be is another gift from God that too many people don't get. i know i won't always live it the way i should but that's ok too. i have a purpose driven life...loving God, loving people. let's see where it gets me. :)

definitely monday

ever have those days where you just don't have patience for people? where you wish you could just finish the day out as quickly as possible and hope to wake up on the happier side of the bed?

that is my life today. Thursday night i will be where i want to be right now....HOME. but there is as of now there is 38 hours of work, three gym sessions, minimal hours of sleep, baking cookies, trip to the apple store, seeing Makenzie and Kimberly and Lauren each night, paying bills and a seven hour train ride.

go team. ;)

i want to be asleep.

i wish i was sleeping right now. :/ JUST tired and too much to do before heading home a week from today. Seattle again this weekend. my thought process is tempting me to think forward and want to fast forward the next 6 months...

sometimes when we get bored we wander around overly-cluttered stores and entertain the idea that every item we see is completely necessary. this is Devin holding his most prized possession. yes...that is a mason jar attached to the bottom of goblet. I'm going to call it a masoblet.

this...is...good.

ITS THE WEEKEND.

i get to see probably the most amazing person EVER in t-minus four hours.

i get to hang out with my goddaughter (don't be fooled, she is a puppy and her name is Gimli).

go team!

real talk.

i am a point in my life where i am a bit emotionally disconnected, which at times is good and can make transitions easier, but at other times when a real emotion hits you its very difficult and hard to shake.

i am terrified of love. yet thrive on the fact that it exists. i see unconditional love every day. i am surrounded (figuratively speaking) by people i know would do anything to ensure my happiness. lately i keep beating myself with the fact that i do not deserve it. when i feel that way it often makes me retreat back to solitude. solitude, is a relatively new thing to me. up until last year i filled every waking moment with people, places and adventures. i am ok with the down time i have inserted into my busy schedule, but gosh i miss not being so critical of myself. do you think this happens when you become an adult? when you realize the amount of responsibility that falls on your shoulders?

i am beyond blessed with such an open mind and open eyes to see beauty in damn near everything i encounter, but why must i not see the same beauty in the imperfection of myself. i realize that is a very real and vulnerable thought. i don't want the vanity and shallowness of this world to ever consume me like i have watched it consume so many people i love. this may be selfish but it is devastatingly hard to see people you love with all your heart try and make themselves people they aren't. in addition it makes them mad, resentful and mean.

i had an eating disorder growing up. i am the oldest and have two sisters. they are beautiful, seriously, like really really good looking.

anyways, my shallow need to control and compete with the world at a younger age brought doubt and untrue thoughts to my sisters' heads. that is a hard thing to live with. yet so interesting. IF i would have just loved my imperfections they may have seen that that is how life is supposed to be. but i didn't. but now, we got to work through it all together.

i will always go back to when Joe spoke about one of the most important commandments... 'love your neighbor as yourself'...he posed this question. if you do not love yourself, can you adequately love your neighbor?

Santa Pub Crawl

oh wee. what a great weekend. was in portland and lived the portland dream. :) boutique cocktail party on friday and met new friends. shopping and college basketball on saturday with new friends and old ones from high school. then we did one of the most interesting things i have ever been a part of. apparently on the first weekend of december they do a santa pub crawl on the north east side of portland. (in case you are unaware 'portland' is comprised of quite a few different downtown locations) we were where what most people see as the hipster area. but they have these awesome authentic german bars and italian bars. just a fun, lively place.

so the aim of the pub crawl is you all dress up in santa claus items, Jared and Chris looked more like homeless 6'8" elves if anything. the crawl starts at noon and goes til midnight. we went at about 6:00 and met up with HUNDREDS, of santas...HUNDREDS. and had such a good time bar hoping. oddly enough, a couple bars in hundreds of people dressed in banana suits showed up. these were the 'banarchists'....apparently there is an ancient rivalry between bananas and santa claus (who would have known?). anyways they ran around yelling 'f*$k santas' and had bumper stickers all over their banana suits that read 'i will never have to tell my kids bananas aren't real.' this was all EXTREMELY entertaining. let alone when a 5'5" bar tender had to kick Jared 6'4" and Chris 6'8" out of the bar for play fighting with each other.

we soon got antsy and headed to downtown portland where you can find all the historic and flashy clubs/bars. of course we were the only ones dressed in christmas attire but man did people love us. everyone in their drunken states thought that we were the most clever, joyous, most wonderful people. we loved every moment of it and just continued our joyous evening and aimed to cross an item off our bucket lists. go to a strip club.

i am fully aware that many people would not do this. but us girls were just fascinated by the thought. so we went and it is now crossed off and i wouldn't have chosen anyone else to take that adventure with. :)

i had a GREAT weekend. i couldn't help but feel at home. leaving makenzie's on sunday and swinging by kimberly's on the way home just to have one of my roommates family make us all an amazing dinner. for a weekend that went by so fast, after such a long week, i definitely added a LARGE amount of new fond memories. december is going to be a WONDERFUL month.

#almostdecember

i love the idea of hash-tags like they use on twitter. i would use it for everything, all the time but then i just look ridiculous. i also wish we could 'cc:' people on texts. you know like...this is the text i sent and here is the conversation but you don't really need to weigh in, its only a FYI. in addition, thanksgiving went by way too fast. :(

apparently UW has come out with these contacts that are like a smart phones in your eyes....uhm excuse me but WTF. no one needs that, maybe if you are James Bond...but that is the only exception i will make. don't get me wrong, i LOVE all these cool gadgets and such but i cannot help but think there are much more valuable things we could create, like i don't know a hybrid tree that grows exponentially quicker than other trees so we can use that for paper. just an idea. im sure people have better ones baha.

today...i am frustrated. i feel like the list of things i want to change in the world keeps growing and yet my ability to actually change anything gets harder.

two things that make me the most upset right now...divorce and the christian community. one of these i hate and the other i just get disappointed in.

i hate divorce...its a horrible, wretched thing that should have never been invented. marriage is not meant to be just another choice in life, its supposed to be a life choice. if you want to get married, well for fucks sake stay married. take however long you want to figure that out...but make that decision once. i am thinking a lot about this for two reasons. one because goodness how could i ever make such a huge decision? i mean i guess you are supposed to just 'know' but even then. also because i know a lot of people are getting married and i am so happy for them, but how is it that statistically half of them will get divorced? it breaks my heart. not to mention...statistically two out of the four lewey kids will get divorced...which means i would totally get divorced twenty times over than watch one of my siblings go through it.

enough about that. this is a long post so i will make this next statement brief. i am disappointed in the christian community because people are so quick to count-out, discredit, disrespect and write off people just because they have not said 'i believe in Jesus.' im sorry but if you truly believe in Christ then you truly believe He created all of humanity in the image of Him, which means that you can still hear and see Christ in those people. from what i have experienced...its people like this that have some of the most raw and pure Christ-like features. God loves you regardless of the shit you do...so don't count anyone out. ever.

in closing...i love soup. especially the lentil soup i have for lunch today.

no exaggeration

so...when people inform you that in rains in the Portland, OR neck of the woods. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY.

i hope that was clear. it has been normal rain and torrential down pour raining for about three days straight now. (they tell me this is a record and highly unheard of) do i believe them? nah. but at least i like the rain, right? better than snow, snow can suck it. whatevs.

got to work at six am this morning...i know, the things i do to get off early. don't matter though, tonight i will be in the arms of school bus (Chelsea schooler if you are behind the times).

below is the new gem in my life and the relatively new gem. both my besties got puppies. I'm in love...for reals. the white fluff ball is named Atlas and the other nugget is Gimli (she's a girl but how can you pass up naming a puppy after the funniest character in Lord of the Rings?)  

well.

since i was last on this little thing i was headed off to Spokane for the weekend. i have done that...as well as jumping up to Seattle this past weekend.


Spokane was a great time. not anything like when i was at whitworth but its nice to just be care-free and run around like you have no responsibilities for a little while. boy did i do that. rookie of the weekend was meeee.


spent plenty of time with my family and doggies, as well...boy was that needed. they are growing up too fast, but i don't all together mind because i REALLY enjoy the people they are becoming. not only are they good people but they are handsome (JT) and so beautiful (Allison & Ashlyn)...plus they are hilarious. we all PALE in comparison to my dad though, he is the funniest man alive and my mama is the best person i have ever met and that i will ever know, i could write an entire book about my parents.


the one blessing i will never know how i got so lucky to receive...my parents and my family. i could spend forever just with them. they are my best friends. they all represent a different side of me and we all love God in our own individual ways and completely support one another no matter what. but it doesn't stop there....because of these amazing people that are my family, i get to meet BEST people in the world. my family, all of us and by no exaggeration, are extremely intuitive and we know great people. so then we all get to meet great people.


...which leads me to my trip to Seattle. i was really sick (still am) starting last Monday. craving a home and a mother but being too far away i fled to Seattle where i stayed with family. not blood related but closer than that. known them my whole life. my siblings and i call them mama kimball and papa chip. and their kids (one of which is my closest friend) call my parents mama and papa lewey. so my last weekend was great, i got much needed rest, showered with love and plenty of laughs and great home-cooked food. plus they live on the water...can you say mini-best-vaca?


my novel is done.

FRIDAY

Its incredibly frustrating seeing all the answers but not being able to do anything about them....at the moment. I will do something about it. Things are becoming clearer and clearer in this cloudy, rainy, foggy place. Cheers to a wonderful weekend for everyone.


I get to see some really wonderful people this weekend, ones I don't usually make enough time for. But time is short...got to spend it with the people that count right?

This song -- is monumental.

I could become obsessed...

This blog thing...could become addicting, really because I don't feel as responsible for what I spit out on here. Especially because I want this to be ME. OK...I will use some discretion...maybe.

Today is Thursday...it is brisk and cold and fall-ish as I assume it will be most of the time in my new home, I am waaaaaay ok with that. I am supa over the snow right now...unless you are inviting me up to board and then I'm all over that like a fly on poop. :)

I am going to Seattle this weekend and home on Wednesday...which reminds me.

Every Tuesday I read to/with a first grader named Michael and a second grader named Peyton. They attend an inner city school that represents about 23 different languages and 95% of the kids are on reduced or free lunches and some even free breakfast. It is almost always the highlight of my week. To see the simplicity of their joy. Once a month they get to take a book home 'for keeps'...oh my goodness you would think it rains candy and summer holidays on that day. They never cease to remind me to be a little more grateful. What reminded me to share is that the first grader...Michael is this adorable little blondie that all the little girls like to say hi to, especially Wednesday. :)

This is a picture of what November looks like on the BPA Campus!

raininggggg.

i figured a rain posting was suiting since i live in the rain now. <3

i am in vancouver, wa now...all that means is i live in a less tax heavy town right next to the city of my dreams - PORTLAND. i have been here for oh around six months now and i must say...it was absolutely the perfect decision. i miss people. constantly. i miss being more carefree in college and i insanely miss my family. but i cannot explain the feeling i have knowing i am where i need to be.

MY FIRST BLOG

so...i got a bit sick of all these silly other social media sites.

i mean, dont get my wrong they are fun and great to keep in touch with people but i cannot take it seriously. so on this lovely wednesday i am starting a blog. because i don't like writing things out, i am too lazy. but if i don't write/type i might go a bit mad with all my thoughts.

if drew belton can blog...i can blog.